To start off, I'm not a psychologist nor am I particularly introspective. But for a while now, I've been a bit of a mess.
There hasn't been just one big thing that made me that way; just a bunch of little things strewn together over time. I'm not writing this for sympathy because I don't need it and I don't want it. Life is hard and we all know that. But until I realized that I was putting all of my emotional needs on the back burner, I ignored it until it became too much to bear. And when that happens, we generally tend to become self-destructive. Which is exactly true in my own case.
Deciding to change wasn't and isn't easy for me and trust me: it's a long, slow road. I'm stubborn and tend to think everyone else has the problem with me so why should I change? Am I right!? Wrong, bitch! Not everything should be taken personally but when you are doing things a certain way consistently and yielding the same results, one has to step back and figure out the root of the problem.
Well, in short, I found myself a little lost. And here are some things that I have been doing to try to change that:
1. Taking Care of my Body
This one should be more of a priority but I know damn good and well that it is one of my biggest challenges. I love working out and I don't have a terrible diet. But sometimes, just because we love something, doesn't mean we do it. I got lazy and made up all kinds of excuses. Well, not anymore because this is one thing I can no longer continue to ignore.
2. Cleaning My Room
We all get busy. We work and have families and social lives. So one of the things to be ignored, was my bedroom. Once I decided to start making my bed every day and tidy my bathroom after I use it (which both things only takes about five minutes) I felt worlds better just having a clean personal space.
3. Reading More
I love reading as I have mentioned previously. But it requires thought. And for a while it seemed like too much thought. Literally "vegging"in front of the T.V. became my normal routine for when I had some down time. Starting Emily's and my book club really got me back into it and stepping outside of myself.
No, I do NOT currently have my dream job and where I'm at now isn't what I want to do forever. However, I had been at the same job for almost four years with no growth and after a while, not much more to learn. I became complacent and stopped caring. Finally, I used the contacts I have and got hired somewhere I had to start from scratch on. It really put me on track for figuring out what is ultimately right for me.
I'm excited for some change in my life. And there will be much more to come in the next few months. My lame advice is that if there is something you don't like in your life, change it. I can only change myself and have no one but myself to blame when I'm unhappy.
