Hot Mess

To start off, I'm not a psychologist nor am I particularly introspective. But for a while now, I've been a bit of a mess.

There hasn't been just one big thing that made me that way; just a bunch of little things strewn together over time. I'm not writing this for sympathy because I don't need it and I don't want it. Life is hard and we all know that. But until I realized that I was putting all of my emotional needs on the back burner, I ignored it until it became too much to bear. And when that happens, we generally tend to become self-destructive. Which is exactly true in my own case.

Deciding to change wasn't and isn't easy for me and trust me: it's a long, slow road. I'm stubborn and tend to think everyone else has the problem with me so why should I change? Am I right!? Wrong, bitch! Not everything should be taken personally but when you are doing things a certain way consistently and yielding the same results, one has to step back and figure out the root of the problem.

Well, in short, I found myself a little lost. And here are some things that I have been doing to try to change that:



1. Taking Care of my Body
This one should be more of a priority but I know damn good and well that it is one of my biggest challenges. I love working out and I don't have a terrible diet. But sometimes, just because we love something, doesn't mean we do it. I got lazy and made up all kinds of excuses. Well, not anymore because this is one thing I can no longer continue to ignore.

2. Cleaning My Room
We all get busy. We work and have families and social lives. So one of the things to be ignored, was my bedroom. Once I decided to start making my bed every day and tidy my bathroom after I use it (which both things only takes about five minutes) I felt worlds better just having a clean personal space.

3. Reading More
I love reading as I have mentioned previously. But it requires thought. And for a while it seemed like too much thought. Literally "vegging"in front of the T.V. became my normal routine for when I had some down time. Starting Emily's and my book club really got me back into it and stepping outside of myself.

4. Having a Job that Challenges Me
No, I do NOT currently have my dream job and where I'm at now isn't what I want to do forever. However, I had been at the same job for almost four years with no growth and after a while, not much more to learn. I became complacent and stopped caring. Finally, I used the contacts I have and got hired somewhere I had to start from scratch on. It really put me on track for figuring out what is ultimately right for me.

I'm excited for some change in my life. And there will be much more to come in the next few months. My lame advice is that if there is something you don't like in your life, change it. I can only change myself and have no one but myself to blame when I'm unhappy.

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The Early Bird Gets the Worm

If there's one thing I believe in, it's waking up early. 

I grew up in a household that didn't believe in Saturday morning cartoons. We were expected to be dressed, fed and ready to work by eight a.m. every Saturday morning. I didn't get to sleep in or eat a bowl of cereal in front of the T.V. before a long day of nothingness. I worked with my family. We were raised on a small "farm", if you will. We sometimes had chickens, raised cows, pigs and kept horses. I built fences with my dad and plowed the field (though on a tractor) all before lunch. It was a great experience that taught me a lot about life, just as a generalization. 

I hear about people who sleep in late and hurry to get ready for work so they aren't late. It makes me wonder how their lives are fulfilling. What is it that you do during the day to take care of yourself? I know it seems strange because, come on, you aren't at work all day. You have after work to worry about. Well, yes, worry is what you'll do.

People work all day and are tired upon leaving time. Maybe you get a quick workout in or make the excuse that you are too exhausted to work out. Then there's dinner and time spent with family or even alone. But you're still tired. You've had a long day and need to de-load. That isn't the time to have to truly relax. You watch mindless television to escape yourself. Maybe to lose yourself in someone else's story in the form of a book. There are worse things, yes, I'll admit. There is just something about mornings that you can't get from any other time of the day. 

I'm not sure if I'm a morning person per se or I just don't necessarily prefer sleep. I have blackout blinds that can make me sleep through the entire morning if that is my intention. And trust me, I have kept them shut. However, waking up at ten in the morning is a terrible feeling for me. My dad always said that the day is half over by then. I merely thought it was said in jest. A little stab at my character for sleeping in that long because he had been up for hours. I now understand the validity of his words.

Wake up early. Have some quiet time for yourself. It's the best way to get to know yourself again. Without work, distractions, crazy drivers or just being too damn hurried to even make yourself breakfast. Even if what you do in the morning is routine, set it at a pace which is conducive to clarity. 

Mornings are magical.

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Blood Is Thicker Than Water

When I was growing up, I was fortunate enough to live around five minutes away from each set of grandparents. My family actually lived in the house that my Grandfather built. Needless to say, my grandparents were very involved in our lives whilst I was growing up. My dad eventually got another job when I was eighteen and we moved from our little ol' town in Utah, to a scary ghetto one in California. The absolute worst part was that I was so much farther away from my grandparents. Yes, I missed my friends. Yes, I still miss the snow. But missing family is a different kind of empty.

Losing both of my grandfathers in recent years has been difficult. Especially when I feel like I wasn't there enough and I would have liked to be. But I have had the extreme fortune of having both of my grandmas come stay with my parents for a couple months at a time, to whom I live rather close. 

Now the real reason behind this post is because I have gotten a couple different people saying things along the lines of, "Oh, that's sweet to hang out with your Grandma." And the sentiment behind it is nice! Trust me, I'm sure there's some little old lady in a rest home, cursing her grandkids because they suck and never visit or call. But believe me when I say that when I'm hanging out with my grandmas, the pleasure is all mine. I love those ladies more than life itself. And when I see movies where parents have to drag their kids, kicking and screaming, to see their grandparents, I just want to punch the kids and the parents in the throat.

I abhor seeing those motivational quotes saying stuff along the lines of "family isn't always blood" bull shit. Sometimes, I'm sure there are those who have a terrible family system. Those aren't usually the people posting this stuff. It's the people who have conflicts with their family because said family cares about them. Or their family is perfectly adequate but they keep comparing to the proverbial Jones'. Blood is thicker than water. There I said it. And it's true. Because, yes, you probably do have friends who have your back no matter what. But one's true family is everything.

Never will I regret the time I've spent with my family. Even if we're not doing anything particularly special. All the Family Home Evenings, Holidays spent together, camping and my favorite Saturday lunch dates with my dad, I will cherish until the day that I die. 

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Big, Fat Slackers

So, if you remember, Emily and I started our exclusive you're-not-invited book club. (Sorry, not sorry) But we love it when people read so go ahead and secretly read along with us. Anyhow, we ambitiously set forth to read two classics during the month of October. Well, truth be told: we failed TREMENDOUSLY. Not only did we not finish both Frankenstein and Dracula in October but only yesterday (in February) did I finish only Dracula.

Now, we all get busy. Blah blah blah we're adults, we have lives, the holidays etc. I tried to read every day, even if it was only one page. But then I would realize that days had gone by without so much as reading the title of the book. Sob story over… I eventually finished and that's all that matters.

I have to say, I loved the book. Or should I say I "ended up" loving it. The story starts off slowly and builds nicely enough but there were many times during the book where I was slightly underwhelmed. Everything is told through diary entries so you aren't getting the brunt of the action, which made it interesting at times and at others, made it seem thin. I won't delve more into it, just read it for yourself!! But if you want a more in-depth review, check out this chick's review on youtube. Good stuff.

The link can be found here.

The next book we are enjoying for our February read will be Night by Elie Wiesel! And no, don't ask me how to pronounce his last name.

I actually know nothing of this book so I'm actually pretty excited about reading it and experiencing it for the first time. I got it off of the list that we found on BuzzFeed, which can be found here. Feel free to read with us and comment your feedback!

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Why I Work Out

In no way am I perfect about working out and I don't really have a body to envy. I'm just a simple girl who likes to work out and wants to share the reasons why.

1. I Like Food

I like eating and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not afflicted with a "Sweet Tooth" as it were but I do have a deep desire for something I find far more nefarious than a little refined sugar: Carbohydrates. I could eat pasta for every meal, including breakfast and I eat more bread than one should. Yes, I like veggies and I'm definitely a carnivore but carbs win big in my book and I'm sure I would have to run a hundred miles a week to work off what I eat in them. 

2. It Keeps Me From Murdering Someone

Okay, okay maybe that is a slight exaggeration but I surely need to work out to keep me happy. I find myself irritable if I haven't gotten those natural endorphins. We all know the positive side effects of working out, it's scientific!! But for some reason, most people find it to be more of an afterthought as opposed to something they actively utilize. And I understand it can be difficult but I find more often than not, that if I'm having a bad day, just going on a short run will make me feel worlds better. 

3. It Makes Me Feel Badass

I grew up with a lot of male influence in my life and also where even the girls did hard labor. I baled hay, built fences, plowed fields and kept all manner of livestock. I played soccer from a young age and rode my bike with my best friend all day, every day. Being able to keep up physically with the boys always empowered me. I like being strong. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be skinny. I just don't see any point in it. I guess the tomboy in me tells me there's nothing pragmatic about being skinny with no strength. 

So there's just a couple of the reasons why I like to lift heavy and I think you should too!

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What to Watch: Halloween Edition

Halloween is a favorite of mine and I LOVE scary movies of all kinds: bloody, creepy and the in between. Emily did a post of her favs for the Halloween season so I will copy her as always. (Especially appropriate since our favorite pastime in HS was to watch movies instead of school)

Now, I'm a bit of a cinephile so some of the normal "scary" movies just won't do. 

• Let the Right One In: Creepiest Vampire movie EVER! Leave it to the Swedes to make a movie this disturbing. DO NOT be a fool and rent the American version, "Let Me In". This is crap even though it's followed pretty closely. I watched Let the Right One In for the first time alone and was adequately freaked out. And this is a feat because I don't frighten easily. 
• Silence of the Lambs: I first watched this when I was twelve, I believe. It still freaks me out a bit and Anthony Hopkins is the perfect villain. Suspenseful, creepy and frightening. Good shiz.
• The Cell: Don't let the fact that Jenny from the Block is the protagonist stop you from watching this. She's excellent and Vincent D'Onofrio as a creepy psychopath? Yes, please!
• The Descent: This movie plays on your inherent fear of small spaces and the dark. Then throws in creepy, man-eating monsters and some female drama. What's scarier than that?
• The Sixth Sense: This is a classic and that can even go unsaid. (but I said it anyway dammit!) Even though you know what happens, it doesn't fail to disturb.
• Young Frankenstein: This is just an amazing film. Gene Wilder is sexy as ever (rawr) and come on... Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks together? Perfection.  

So there you have it! A small sampler of some of my favorite creepy movies! 

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October Reads

It is now October 1st and for myself that means rather exciting occurrences! Mine and my bestie Em's birthdays are this month and I get a whole month devoted to Vampires, Witches and all things Jack Skellington. 

I am also over the moon about the October Reads. (yes you read that correctly, plural!) Em and I decided to read both Bram Stoker's Dracula and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein!

 I do not believe that either of us has read Dracula and only I have read Frankenstein, which I read in High School so it's about time for a refresher!

So if you would like to join, now is the time. Not like it matters but Em and I are reading Dracula first and, subsequently, Frankenstein.

Now on to a little bit of a review of our September Read: 

To Kill A Mockingbird

I absolutely loved this book. One thing I loved most about this book is how you experience it. You see everything unfold through the eyes of a child before the age of accountability. Scout Finch doesn't just accept things the way they are and she questions everything. I think this is most important when reading a book essentially about racism. As we all are well aware, people have learned such things with age and it was most tactful to hear about the events of the book through the eyes of innocence. 

Atticus is, of course, most lovable and Arthur "Boo" Radley is just as you imagine he is. And because of characters like Aunt Alexandra, you remember that people can surprise you especially when you have been quick to judge. 

The only thing I had a problem with was my edition of the book. I couldn't find a used copy (very sad, I know) so I bought the Harper Perennial Modern Classics. I liked the size of the book just fine and the cover feels nice but I was annoyed of the spelling errors in this edition. Come on people, doesn't someone get paid to edit??

So Happy Reading and Happy Haunting!

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Not A Soul In Sight

My bestest friend in the world, EMILY, is being a dear and having me guest spot on her very own blog. Go check out her awesomeness for your own good. 
Here's the post anyways:

Do you ever get the feeling that the air has just been sucked out of a room? The hair on the back of your neck stands up. The chills come and then the goosebumps set in. Ghosts? Maybe. Just check one thing before you come to that conclusion: Did a redhead just walk in the room? If so, there's no need to fear or fright. We can't help it. It's only because (allegedly muahaha) we have no souls.

Now, as you have already deduced, I am a ginger! Hence, the name for my blog. Growing up as a ginger was... we'll say interesting. Not hard by any means, every child goes through an inordinate amount of (Hell, I'll just say it 'cause I do what I want) bullshit! Kids can be cruel and by golly were they cruel to me. Luckily as a ginger kid, I was born without a soul so that allowed me to give less kicks about what other people thought of me. 

To be truthful, I didn't know I was different for a long time. I mean, I knew I was awesome from an early age but I didn't really know that I actually looked different. 

BOY WAS I WRONG!! 

(Totally adorable but Mom... would it have killed you to run a comb through my hair before committing this to film??!)

Being a redhead is a gift and a curse at the same time.

One thing I don't understand are "social cues" AND I don't have a filter. I say what I think, not meaning to sound rude or knowing it would be hurtful but I do it anyways. (Sorry Em) 

And see those freckles and pale skin? Going out in the sunlight is a chore for me.

When I was a kid, (I don't remember how old) I thought I was a normal human being. I rode my bike with my little sister to the local outdoor pool. I think I applied some sunblock when we got there but quickly forgot about it. We were there for the better part of that hot summer day; they had a snack bar and a big slide so we were well occupied. End of day comes and we are pooped. We rode home and when we get there, I noticed that it felt like my bathing suit straps were cutting gashes into my shoulders. So I took off my shirt and I'm sure you can guess what I saw... HUGE blisters on both shoulders had formed already! I had blisters on my back and my forehead and lemme tell you that IT HURT! It was so bad that my mom had to make me a tube top to be in for the next week.

So I'd like to end my time here to say THANK YOU to my bestest friend in the whole world for letting me guest spot on her blog. I love her, she seriously is the greatest.

{Flashback to Em's bachelorette party in Vegas many moons ago}

Everyone needs a redhead best friend. However, not everyone is going to get as lucky as Em here because redheads only make up for 2% of the world's population. We're like the unicorns of women, except we actually exist.

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Two Bibliophile's Book Club

My best friend, Emily and I are bookworms to the core. So it only made sense for us to create our own special little book club. Why we've waited so long to start this is beyond me (we have been best friends for over ten years). Em couldn't remember if we had read the Great Gatsby in High School and I reminded her that we hadn't. Since the movie was coming out with DiCaprio, (dreamboat, I know) of course we had to read it before we watched it.

All in all, I'm glad I read this long after I've graduated high school and at least been in love. Fatalism isn't an attractive concept of love to me anymore. Daisy and Jay have this empty, pathetic romance and what I feel is pity for the pair of them. Their lifestyle is vapid and extravagant; they ignore what should really be important to them.

The writing also leaves something to be desired. Being so short, I feel like it could have been longer.  The storyline seemed to be truncated and disconnected therefore feeling rushed to the point of laziness and shoddy writing skills. 

The next book on our reading list is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. 

It's our September read so we haven't finished it yet. I'm only a few chapters in and I have to say that so far, I am in love with this book. Quoting Scout Finch, "Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing." Although I'm a self-proclaimed bibliophile and will admit to love reading, this quote resonated with me. 

If you're interested in joining, we're not "that" kind of book club. However, you are more than welcome to read along! We will be doing one book a month and here is the book list that we have started with.

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Throwback: Gizmo

Seeing how it is Throwback Thursday in the Social Media world, I figured this would be a great way to introduce you to Gizmo!

In all his adorable, seven-pound glory...

Gizmo is a Papillon. It's French for "butterfly". The reason behind that is the facial markings and the long hair coming from under the ears. To be honest, Gizmo's hair isn't as impressive as some Papillons I've seen but I love him all the same. 

Before I got Gizmo, I did what any responsible pet owner does: I researched the breed. From what I found, Papillon was what I wanted and no one could talk me out of it. I'll tell you what, best decision of my life! 

Here's the story of how we met: I was at the mall, when I thought, "Hey, I like adorable puppies. Let's go have a look see in the pet store." I noticed the Papillon because that's the kind of dog I have wanted. This perfect little ball of black and white fluff there in a lucite cage of sadness. At this point in his young life, Gizmo was being fed. Now, this wouldn't be too exciting for the normal human being but what he did whilst eating incontrovertibly sealed our fate.

Gizmo was eating out of the same bowl as another puppy. I don't know what was going through his cute, fluffy little head but for some unknown reason, Gizmo stopped eating and pulled the other puppy away from the bowl by the tail. Now, to most people I'm sure this would be considered an act of defiant selfishness. "How dare he?" you might exclaim. To me, being a Ginger and understanding the need for boundaries and food, I saw it as the cutest bond between puppy and human that could come to be so soon in a relationship. 

That was the end of it. He was mine and I was his.

Lavish in all the adorableness that is Gizmo.

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